


Let's talk about sex

by paradoxmachine



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dildos, Established Relationship, Humor, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Game(s), Xenophilia, tentabulge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:18:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxmachine/pseuds/paradoxmachine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat come up with a solution for "who tops?" (Or rather, who bottoms.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's talk about sex

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icel/gifts).



> Skip to the dotted line for the porn if you're in a hurry.

They had been waiting for the right moment.  
That was the excuse, at least, in both of their heads. There had been a lot of ‘right moments’ that they’d let slip by over the years, for whatever reason. Embarrassment, uncertainty, nerves. All of the above, usually. During their frequent sloppy make outs and somewhat less frequent frantic dry humping, they’d gotten some idea of each other’s desires and intentions, but not once had they ever just sat down and...

“Dave, are we ever going to just... _talk_ about sex?”  
Dave, perched in Karkat’s lap with his hands disappearing underneath his shirt, flinched away from him like he’d just been burnt. Karkat reached to pap his cheek, but his expression stayed serious and resolute.  
“Dude, I talk about sex all the time,” Dave said, when he’d recovered his composure. It was harder to do with Karkat around. The guy could see straight through his poker face, and after three years of that, somewhere along the way he’d given up trying.

“You know what I mean,” said Karkat. “We live together now, we sleep together. Are we ever going to... sleep together?”  
“Well, yeah,” said Dave. “I mean, eventually.”  
“I’m not trying to rush you,” said Karkat. “I just think we should try discussing it up front, since my attempts at wooing you with candle-lit dinners and scattered rose petals haven’t been sending the message strongly enough.”  
“Oh,” said Dave. He paused, and then said again, “Oh. Oh, damn. I just thought that was shit you did because you’re Karkat, not because you wanted to get in my pants.”

“Well it _is_ , obviously,” said Karkat. “I’m not trying to-” he made air quotes with his fingers. “‘get’ in your ‘frond sleeves.’ Just... if you’re ready for it, I’m ready to make love with you.”  
Dave snickered, but he couldn’t help be touched by the phrasing. Trust Karkat to romanticize sex of all things.  
“Well...” said Dave, avoiding his eyes. Over the course of the conversation, both of them had turned a startling shade of pink. “Now?”  
“Of- of course not _now_ ,” Karkat said, his blush darkening. “We’re not even the same species, Dave. We can’t jump into intercourse without at least a cursory discussion of our anatomical differences.”

“I guess that makes sense,” said Dave. “But what good will talking about it do if we don’t have a visual aid? Maybe we should...” he waggled his eyebrows. “Demonstrate our anatomy to each other.”  
“I was thinking the same thing,” said Karkat, and he shifted out from underneath Dave to uncaptchalogue a stack of paper and some pens from his sylladex out onto the coffee table.  
“Uh, yes,” said Dave. “That is the thing I was thinking.”

He took the offered pen from Karkat, and bent over a piece of paper thoughtfully.  
“Wait a minute,” Dave said. “I’ve drawn like six million human penises for you already. Do I really need to do another?”  
“No,” said Karkat, uncapping his pen. “But it’ll keep you occupied while I work on my diagram. What, you don’t want to draw a human penis?”  
“Obviously, I want to draw a human penis,” said Dave. “I was just, you know, thinking out loud.”  
“Well, think in your head, I’m trying to concentrate,” said Karkat.

Dave did proceed to think in his head, at least for a short time, because to do otherwise would mean waxing poetic about all the glorious eccentricities in the way Karkat drew. From the way he held his pen, to the fact that he moved his whole arm instead of his wrist for every line, to the way he gritted his teeth like he was trying to carve marble with his bare hands. Truly, it was an incredible sight, and Dave was so distracted by it he only managed to fill two sheets of paper with drawings of human penises. Front side and back, of course.

“Okay, nookbreath, pay attention,” Karkat said, presenting his single drawing with a flourish. Dave squinted at it. To him, it appeared to be little more than two circles with a squiggly shape in between.  
“Okay,” said Dave. “Jesus Christ, is it always in that shape?”  
“No, it wriggles around,” said Karkat.  
“Oh,” said Dave. His blush, which had faded, returned in an instant. “Oh. Okay. Well that’s pretty straightforward, then. You’ve got your balls and your dong, ‘cept yours is like something out of an animated Japanese erotica.”  
“A what?” said Karkat.  
“It’s called hentai, and it’s art,” said Dave. “Anyway, what uh. What biological purpose does the tenta-dick serve? I mean, I’m all about it conceptually, but how do you do the whole penetration thing if it’s all-”  
Dave wiggled his hand limply in the air.

Karkat took a deep breath.  
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” said Karkat.  
“Um... Okay,” said Dave.  
Karkat paused, and took another deep breath.  
“I...”  
And then another breath, his face turning red and his chest swelling up like he was about to explode. Dave reached over to pat him on the back.  
“Shh, shh, just let it out, Kat.”  
“Well,” said Karkat, in a strained, high voice. “Trolls don’t do that, generally. There’s no point in it in a species that collects genetic material outside the body to send off to a third party for incubation.”  
“Yeah, okay,” said Dave, but Karkat obviously wasn’t done.  
“But I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’ve decided, nothing would please me more than to have you inside my nook,” Karkat said, and while he said it with definitive confidence, he had to bury his face in his hands half way through.

“Okay, two things,” said Dave. “First off, back the fuck up. Which part’s the nook, now?”  
“Oh,” said Karkat. “I didn’t draw it because it’s basically exactly like yours.”  
“And again,” said Dave, eyes going wide behind his shades. “ _Which_ part’s the nook?”   
“Don’t make me spell it out!” Karkat said, hands clamped over his eyes. “The hole in the back!”  
“Wait, nook means asshole?” said Dave. “I thought it meant vagina.”

“Why would you think that?” said Karkat. “When was the last time your human friends told you you had your head stuck up your vagina, or a stick in your vagina?”  
“I don’t know,” Dave said with a grimace. “I guess I just assumed since you don’t have another word for vagina. Wait, so what do troll girls have down there?”  
“Let’s not get into that,” said Karkat. “That’s a complicated discussion and completely irrelevant to us right now.”  
Dave shrugged.

“...Anyway,” said Dave. “The other thing is, when did we decide you were gonna be the, uh. Catcher?”  
“Of course I’m going to be the recipient, Dave,” Karkat said like it was obvious. “I’m smaller and less physically intimidating than you are.”  
“That,” Dave said slowly, “is the dumbest clump of hoofbeast manure that’s ever dribbled out of your shout hole. Who the hell decided that was a thing?”  
“Well, doesn’t it just seem obvious?” said Karkat. “What other arbitrary rule are we going to use to decide? Our relationship is too well balanced and has no obvious aggressor.”  
“Holy shit,” said Dave. “I guess we could just talk about it, and like, decide on what we actually want.”

“So...” Karkat said. He gnawed nervously at his bottom lip. “What _do_ you want?”  
Dave didn’t react immediately, his mouth drawing into a thin line and his eyebrows furrowing. And then slowly, a deep blush crept over his face.  
“Well,” he said. “I was thinking it would be a massive middle finger to the toxic masculinity my character arc revolves around for me to play catcher. That, and it’d be like. A symbol of my dedication and trust in you. All meaningful and shit like that.”  
“Fuck,” said Karkat. “I was thinking the same thing, and that it would be symbolic of me relinquishing my need to be in control all the time.”  
“Hot damn,” said Dave, “Those are both way better reasons for deciding sexual roles than a person’s body type. Other than obviously just deciding according to what feels better to us.”

“Which is...?” said Karkat.  
“Damn it, Karkat,” said Dave. “We can’t _both_ take it in the ass.”  
“You say that,” said Karkat. “And yet, I know for a fact that female members of your species manage to have intercourse with each other without any kind of protruding sexual member.”  
“Lesbians,” Dave mumbled thoughtfully. “Who could have foreseen that lesbian porn would hold the answer to our boy on boy sex issues?” Dave paused. “Rose, probably. Seeing and lesbianing is sort of her thing. I’m glad we didn’t ask her.”  
“What do you mean, solution?” said Karkat.  
Dave leaned in close. “Dildos, Karkat. Dildos.”

  
\---

  
After some embarrassing experimentation to get captcharoid photos for their crafting purposes, Dave and Karkat were both feeling a little more at ease with each others’ bodies. And so, newly formed dildo in hand, (not literally as they’d both die a just death if anyone saw them with it,) they returned to their home for a night of intimate exploration.

Which meant a lot more kissing than actual touching to start them off, it turned out. But eventually they managed to get each other out of their clothes and into the sheets. Their bodies turned into a tangle of limbs and even more kissing, with their prize sat aside on the side of the bed for them to use as soon as they built up the courage. It took a while.

“Okay,” said Dave. “So I know a little about gay sex from the gay porn that I may or may not have watched. Ironically.”  
“Excellent,” said Karkat. “My expertise in troll erotica is surprisingly useless in this situation.”  
“Surprisingly,” said Dave. “So I’ve got all this lube here, for reasons undisclosed, and I guess how it works is you just keep puttin’ in fingers until the dick fits. Maybe like, wiggle ‘em around in there or something?”  
“Wiggle them around?” Karkat repeated dubiously.   
“Shit, dude, I don’t know,” Dave said. “The world ended before I could get to butt fingering age, I don’t know the rules. What am I supposed to do, ask Dirk? I don’t know which would be worse, him being experienced and giving me The Talk, or him being just as clueless as we are. Either way, no thank you. We can just experiment like proper butt scientists until we figure out what works.”

“Okay,” Karkat said, picking up the bottle of lube from the bedside table to inspect it. He popped the cap open and took a deep, cautious sniff.  
“I don’t think it’s flavored or anything,” Dave said, sitting up on his elbows.  
“Hmm,” said Karkat. “So how are we doing this? Who goes first? Are we doing ourselves or each other?”  
“What about,” said Dave. “Hm. Okay. We lay on our sides facing each other, and we reach around to do each other, and like. Make out at the same time?”  
“Fuck yes, more kissing,” said Karkat. He wriggled up next to him with the bottle in hand, tangling their legs together and pressing his forehead against Dave’s affectionately.

“Hey...” said Karkat sheepishly, as he smeared his fingers with lube and handled the bottle off to Dave. “I love you.”  
“Holy shit,” said Dave. “What a coincidence, I love you, too. How ironic, that the demise of our virginity would be in the proximity of some love.”  
“How is that ironic?” said Karkat.  
“Karkat, I don’t think it is ironic,” Dave said wistfully. “I don’t think that it is.”

“Well okay,” said Karkat. “If you’re ready, I’m going to stick my prong nub in your nook.”  
“You’re so romantic,” said Dave. He shifted closer to him and reached hesitantly with his unlubed hand for Karkat’s. “I love you.”  
“We already said I love you,” Karkat grumbled. He kissed his cheek. “I love you too.”  
“I love you a whole lot,” said Dave, squeezing his hand as his palm crept down the small of Karkat’s back and the tips of his fingers found his entrance. “I’m so glad we’re doing this.”  
“Me too,” said Karkat, pressing his cheeks apart to trace careful circles around his hole. “Fuck, are you ready?”  
“Fuck yeah,” said Dave. “Are you?”  
“ _Yesssss_ ,” Karkat hissed, his eyes pressing tightly closed as Dave’s finger teased him open and inched inside.

Dave tilted his head up to kiss him, soft and slow, as he worked his finger slowly deeper. His legs spread wider as Karkat did the same to him, and their breathing picked up into half nervous, half excited panting caught in between eager kisses.  
“How does it feel?” Karkat asked him, opening his eyes.  
“Like you’ve got your finger up my ass,” said Dave. “And, uh, like I’m ready for another one.”  
Karkat snorted. “Yeah, me too.”

One finger had been easy enough, but they were both noticing the far more obvious press of two fingers stretching them open.  
“Don’t let me hurt you,” Dave said quickly. “I don’t think it’s supposed to hurt. It, uh, it is starting to feel sort of good though.”  
“Yeah,” said Karkat, his eyelids heavy as he gazed at him in an infatuated daze. “It feels nice to have you inside me.”  
Dave shivered. “Maybe after this we can like, take turns, and only use this when we’re both feeling incredibly butt gay?”

“Fuuucking stop saying shit like that, I’m trying to get into this,” Karkat said, nuzzling into his shoulder and snickering.  
“How the fuck am I supposed to phrase it?” said Dave. “When we’re feelin’ the draw of the downward facing dog. When we’re both catch and no release. When it’s open season and we’re lost in the forest and neither of us are wearing orange. When- ah- aaahhhh!”  
“What?” Karkat said worriedly, stopping immediately. “Are you okay? What’s happening?”  
“Fuck, don’t stop,” said Dave. “I’m okay, I’m _really_ okay. Find that spot again, that felt fucking amazing.”

Karkat’s fingers probed back where he’d been poking, curled up slightly toward Dave’s stomach. He rubbed his fingertips testingly up along Dave’s inner wall. For a long moment, nothing happened- and then suddenly Dave’s hips bucked slightly and he moaned.  
“Oh god,” he said. “Suddenly I know why people do butt stuff. Lemme see if it works on you, what are you doing?”  
“Just sort of curl your fingers while your hand’s facing- yeah, that’s right,” Karkat bit his lip, shifting his legs uncomfortably. “I don’t think it’s working, maybe it doesn’t work on troooohhhhhh!”  
“Fuuuck yes,” Dave said, tilting his head to kiss his neck as Karkat tensed and quivered around him. “Trolls have prostates or something like it, now we know. Butt scientists doing vital butt research. Never let it be said we’re not contributing to the new society.”

Karkat’s legs tightened around Dave’s, and he was so distracted by the feeling he couldn’t even yell at him for bringing up butt science again. His breath caught and his hips jerked forward again, and then all at once his bulge slithered wetly out of its sheath.  
“Feels good, then?” said Dave.  
“It feels really good,” said Karkat. “Let’s just... do this for a- aahh- a while.”  
Dave pulled him into another kiss, his tongue sliding slick across his lips and into his mouth. Karkat moaned into the kiss, shifting even closer to Dave, his bulge reaching out to wrap around Dave’s cock.  
“Sorry-” Karkat said quickly. “Is that-?”  
“It’s okay, it’s good,” Dave said breathlessly, and then he kissed him again to muffle his moan. His hips arched helplessly into the touch, desperate for friction. “More fingers, Karkat, see if you can do three- _fuck_ that feels good.”

Even after they’d both added a third finger, the slide felt easy enough that Dave’s hips rocked back eagerly into every thrust of his fingers.  
“Karkat?” Dave asked, squeezing his hand. “How you doin’?”  
“Fucking fantastic, Dave, thanks for asking,” Karkat said, his bulge tightening around Dave’s cock in time with the thrusts of Dave’s fingers.  
“Are you ready, though?” said Dave. “I feel like I’m ready, I’m so fucking ready, oh god, I want your bulge inside me.”

Karkat pulled his fingers out and Dave shifted to sit up, allowing Karkat to do the same. Dave‘s dick ached in the absence of Karkat‘s touch.  
“So I guess we just like...” Dave said, picking the dildo up to start drenching it in lube. Only reluctantly did he let go of Karkat’s hand. “Sit... Sort of in each others’ laps, and lean back and just... put it in?”  
“That seems like the easiest way to do it,” said Karkat. He shifted around and looped his legs over Dave’s while his bulge writhed lazily against his stomach.  
“And... you’re sure it’s not gonna hurt you if you use the side that’s my dick, right?” said Dave. “Cuz, I mean, I don’t especially want to fuck myself, that’s more your thing I guess, but if wriggly tenta is all you can take-”  
“For fuck’s sake, I’m having your dick inside me if it kills me,” said Karkat.  
“It’s gonna be rough explaining it to Jane if it does,” said Dave. “Karkat Vantas, died the way he lived- with somethin’ lodged way too deep in his nook.”  
“Shut the fuck up,” said Karkat.

“Alright,” said Dave. “My end looks easier, it’s all tapered and shit, so I guess I’ll... Unless you want to do it for me?”  
He looked so hopeful saying it, that Karkat couldn’t help but oblige him. Even in silicon form his bulge was a little unwieldy, the tip of it slipping along Dave’s entrance before he could get it to press inside him. The look on Dave’s face as it slid in deeper was priceless. Karkat wanted to take a picture of it, and frame it, and keep it with him always. He looked so vulnerable but so eager, his lips parted and his eyes closed, his pale lashes caught in silhouette against his flush cheeks.

“You’re beautiful,” Karkat sighed in awe. Dave gave a single breathy laugh.  
“Thanks, dude,” he said. “You’re... pretty hot, too...”  
His eyes fluttered open again and the eye contact made Karkat shiver.  
“...It’s in,” Karkat said.  
“Fuck yeah, it is,” Dave said. “Kiss me.”  
Karkat leaned over him and kissed him passionately, giving him plenty of time to adjust. Dave had never felt anything like this in his life, like he’d been filled completely and stretched wide open. It would have been terrifying if he weren’t with Karkat. With Karkat it felt good, felt right.

“Okay, now hold it for me while I...” Karkat said, kissing him one more time before moving into position. Even with Dave’s hand firmly on the shaft, Karkat had to use both of his own to spread himself open and guide the tip of Dave’s silicon-copy dick into his nook.  
“Fuuuuuck,” Karkat groaned, stopping after just the tip.  
“You okay?” Dave said, reaching to pet his leg reassuringly.  
“Fine,” said Karkat. “Fine, it doesn’t hurt. It’s just... It’s big.”  
“Pretty average actually,” said Dave, “but thanks.”  
“Huuuuge,” said Karkat, wriggling his hips to press it in deeper, a little bit at a time. The movement of it made it move in Dave as well, and he moaned softly, hand tightening on the shaft to stop it until Karkat was really ready.

“Deep breaths,” said Dave. “Deep breaths helped. God, I love you.”  
“I love you, too, you enormous fucking dick,” Karkat teased. He actually gasped when his ass brushed against Dave’s hand, surprised that he’d managed to fit that much of it into his body. “Ohhhh god.”  
Dave couldn’t tell if it was a sound of horror or pleasure.   
“Still okay?” Dave asked.  
“Yessss,” Karkat sighed, leaning back on his elbows. He rolled his hips experimentally onto it while Dave was still holding it, and immediately was moaning emphatically. “Yes, yes, fuck me, Dave.”

“Only if you fuck me harder,” Dave said, letting go and letting the movement of Karkat’s hips nudge the dildo deeper into his body. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him tense and moan, and immediately ache for more. He rocked his own hips back against it more insistently, letting it slide out of him only to force it back in with a firm roll of his hips. “Fucking- _fuck_ , Karkat, your bulge feels so good.”  
“ _Dave!_ ” Karkat moaned, reaching half-blind for Dave’s hand. “I love you-! You feel- ah- amazing.”

He was picking up speed, and taking the dildo in deeper with every pass, until finally their asses were smacking against each other when they both rocked down at once. Dave’s neck arched back and he moaned wordlessly, hips straining to rock faster and harder. He squeezed Karkat’s hand tightly.

“Kar-Karkat, can you...” Dave said breathlessly, sweat beading on his face and chest and dripping down the curves and lines of his body. “Can you reach? I want- I need you to touch me.”  
Karkat leaned up slightly to reach between Dave’s thighs, his legs and his hand in Dave’s the only thing keeping him supported as he rocked furiously onto the dildo. His grip on Dave’s cock was firm and focused on the tip, just the way Dave had shown him.

Dave reached at the same time to mimic the motion on Karkat, his thumb pressing against the sensitive underside of his bulge and rubbing intently with a loose wrist motion that felt familiar, but odd at this angle.

“Da _aaave!_ ” Karkat cried out, his bulge pulsing in Dave’s hand. Seconds later with no further warning, murky red spurted from the tip, drenching his torso and the sheets beneath them.  
“Holy _fuck_ ,” Dave said, rocking onto the dildo one more time and then staying there as his body tensed and his orgasm flowed, curling up through his stomach and down through his thighs and twisting like jagged bolts of lightning up his spine.

Dave fell limp into the sheets, panting and sweaty and so incredibly fulfilled. He was still clutching tightly at Karkat’s hand. He didn’t even let go as he pulled off and pulled it out of Karkat, setting it out of the side before wrapping his other arm around his waist and pulling him close, in complete disregard of the mess.

“I love you,” Dave said, kissing Karkat like the brief moment his mouth had been out of reach had been hours or days and not minutes. “I love you, that was so good, I love you.”  
“I love you, too,” Karkat said, dazed and feeling incredibly drained in the wake of his orgasm. He clung to Dave’s shoulders and kissed back anywhere he could reach, holding him close and tucking himself flush against him. “You were amazing, I love you.”

“God,” said Dave. “As funny as the hijinks would have been, I’m glad we talked about that first.”  
“Shut up and kiss me,” said Karkat.


End file.
